All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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