Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Bring me that man meat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
