Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
