I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
