last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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