there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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