Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
there is puke in my bra ... again
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