Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
