I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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