I'm jealous of your bromance
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
