I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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