Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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