There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
