Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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