I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
