The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
