Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
