He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
