whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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