Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
