12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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