how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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