You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
