he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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