I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize