Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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