Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
