My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
