Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
did i walk over a car last night?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
