cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
