Pappa wants mamma naked
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
