I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
