Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
