YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
