Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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