Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize