Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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