How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
