Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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