I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
