I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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