If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
