Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I will die if light touches me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
