WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
