he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
