god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
