Screwed.edu
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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