I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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