the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
