yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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