I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
