Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
