sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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