Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
