He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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