He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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