words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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