I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
