I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
