State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
