i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize