It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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