Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
