Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I want is dick and wine.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
