why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We need to get me chipped asap
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
